2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
