I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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