There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Best friends brother. Beat that.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Randomize
