forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
