Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
