My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
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