remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Randomize
