Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
