He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
