im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
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