That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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