Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
