My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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