wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
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