I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
