Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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