tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
Randomize
