oh god was she eating orange peels again
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
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