No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
