I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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