So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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