my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
