I wish I could teleport
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
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