sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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