can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
