If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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