I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Randomize
