erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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