Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
