Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
