No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
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After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
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I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
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