Kiss
Puke
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
