That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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