Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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