So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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