At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
