Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
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