It's Friday. Sex?
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
