your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
True strength comes from lack of pants
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize