So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Randomize