first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
