Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
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