Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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