insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
