going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize