:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Randomize
