a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
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