I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
