Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
