I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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