literally had 100 drinks last night.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
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