I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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