You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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