im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I wish I only lived at night.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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