There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
