Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
