how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
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